August 12, 2009

A 28 year old Black, female reported to my office with her 9 year old nephew. Curious as to how and why she was on Probation I asked how she came upon her Proposition 36 situation. She stated that she was caught using various drugs. Again, I asked why would you be using drugs in the first place. Her response was, “because I wanted to.” I said, ” I understand that, why did you want to?” She answered again by saying, “because it made me feel better.” I responded by saying, “better than what?” I could tell at this point that she was getting frustrated by my continued questioning. So, I explained to her that my reasoning for delving into her life was to discover the “why” of her drug use so she could stop. So, I asked her to tell me when she began using drugs. She stated that she started when she was a teenager. What was going on during your teenage years that influenced your drug use. She stated that she had to attend church 3 to 4 times a week, she wasn’t allowed to have friends, she wasn’t allowed to explore her world of a teenager. I asked her if she would describe her parents as “running a strict household?” Her face lit up and she stated, “yes, her parents were very strict.” So, could your drug use be attributed to your need for choice, freedom, individuality. “Yes,” she said. She stated that she never got to do anything different and felt as if she were trapped in her own house. She mentioned that throughout her teenage years she continued to rebel against the rules of the house which is why she didn’t complete her high school education. It was after she left the house that the drug use became more prevalent because she was not used not having any rules to follow and she did what most people due in her situation. She took advantage of the freedom she never had as a child. So, from the age of 18 to 28 her life began to spiral out of control. She was in and out of jail for various crimes and going nowhere fast.

Today, she lives with her mother. She is back where she started as a child. During our conversation, she did get a better understanding and awareness as to why she behaved in the manner she did. In other words, how she got her need for choice, self-expression, respect self empowerment met by using narcotics and participating in anti-social behavior. She stated that all she ever wanted was for her parents to listen to what she had to say, offer some bonding and comfort and some understanding. Now that she has an understanding she can now make the necessary adjustments regarding her what she wants to do with her life, such as, complete her high school education.

August 10, 2009

A 36 year old Hispanic male came into my office for the usual enrollment protocol. When he sat down I asked him how he got into this predicament, meaning how he got arrested for drug possession. He mentioned that he was coming home from a party with his boys and was stopped by the police who found narcotics on her person. So, I asked him what drug he had on him, he said he had marijuana. He stated that he was smoking weed. I asked him how long has he been consuming marijuana. He stated that he had been smoking weed, everyday, since he was 13 years old. So, I informed him that he has been smoking weed for 23 years of his life. He gave me a blank stare as he was processing my last statement. I asked him why did he think he’s been smoking for such a long period of time? He stated that he just wanted to gain acceptance from his friends. Now I am thinking that some tragic event must have happened at the age of 13. I believed there had to be more to the story then only gaining acceptance from a group of people. So, I went deeper with my questioning. I asked him the one question most of my clients are not prepared to see the truth in and that is, “What is going on at the home?” “What is your home life like?” “How did you get along with your father?” He gave me this strange stare. He paused for a moment and blurted out, “I used to watch my father come home drunk and beat my mother since I was a small child.” Then a few moments later he added that “he and his brother used to wet their pants when his father would walk through the front door due to the terror he experienced.” I threw my hands up and stated, “now you have the answer as to why you used marijuana, consistently, for the past 23 years.

I explained to him that gaining “acceptance” was not the primary reason for using weed it was secondary. The primary reason was to meet your need for emotional safety due to the feeling of fear, shock and helplessness he experienced when his father physically abused his mother during his formative years. The client gave me a look and said that I was correct. I stated to him that “I bet you didn’t finish high school?” He said, “how did you know?” I informed him that he was too distracted from his domestic problems to concentrate in school and, therefore, probably ditched school. He said it was true. I informed him that ditching school, running away for weeks at a time was the only way he could handle all the chaos and emotional pressure. The client stated that our conversation began to make sense of his past behavior and that he was getting a better understanding as to why he thought, felt and behaved the way he did.

I explained to him that the best thing you received out of this conversation is that you now understand the correlation between the trauma you experienced at home for many years and the amount of narcotics you consumed over the years.

To date, the client stated that his father does not drink anymore and doesn’t physically abuse his mother. However, he did state that his father is still angry and unable to connect or bond with him.

I explained to the client that the next project for him is to have “empathy” for this father and mother. I shared with him that he needed to get some understanding and awareness as to “why” his father would physically abuse his mother and why would his mother participate in the tragic event over the years. After a few minutes of dialogue, the client came to the realization that his father lacked getting many of his social/emotional needs met as a child and, therefore, he did not have the ability to show love, affection or connection with anyone. I responded by saying, “yes, so who is off the hook for blaming and shaming himself?” He gave me a stare and said, “Me”? I said, ‘ that is what I needed to hear.”

It is at this juncture that I try to get the client to understand that he is not at fault for behaving the way he did or in this case, consuming marijuana for approximately 20 years. He did what he needed to do to survive a turbulent environment (smoke weed to not feel and to forget). It was after this clarification that the client had a different outlook of his past and how it affected how he viewed himself and those he interacted with. He even mentioned that he became a “people pleaser” because he always wanted to be liked, validated and loved by others because he didn’t get those needs met by his father.

Towards the end of our conversation the clients view of his world is a lot more clear. Due to his clarity, the client was given a few projects to work complete(at his own pace) while he digested his new information. The clients projects are as follows: 1) he will go back to get his GED due to him being distracted throughout his adolescent years due to his father’s life diminishing behavior. 2) he will learn not to be a “people pleasure.” He will think of himself first and take care of his needs first. He will become “selfish.” 3) He will recommend to his wife that she doesn’t have to scream at him anymore. Her raising her voice at him reminded him of his father’s behavior. 4) He will review this conversation with his mother so he can get a better understanding as to why she stayed in such a volatile relationship. 5) He will try to talk to his father about his behavior of the past but he will not have any expectations. He will then come back and we will sit down and review the changes he has made to better his life.

As it was time to go, my client stated he felt a great feeling of relief, hopeful, relaxed and thankful. He said that it was as if a great burden had been lifted off of his shoulders. I explained to him that you finally got rid of all that emotional baggage that he had been carrying around since he was a little boy.

August 6, 2009

Today a client came to the office to check in with the kiosk machine. However, he asked to see me because he needed the address to this office. Because of who I am and what I do, I decided to ask him about or review with him how he was progressing with his drug treatment. He began to tell about how he was getting a handle on his disease and looking for a power greater than himself. It was at this time I decided to pull him into my office and get to the core of his drug use so he could have an answer as to why he began to use cocaine in the first place.

As he sat in my office I asked my “why do you think you began to use drugs approximately 17 years ago? (note: he never used drugs before that time) He mentioned that it was “him” and that he had a “sick” mind and the disease difficult to overcome. Then he mentioned that he wanted “acceptance.” Now I can acknowledge that he needed acceptance because he was using with a group of people on the weekends. However, the “I am sick in the mind” is something I have a difficult time accepting. So, I continued to probe for the “truth.” I asked him “what was going on in his life that he had to use narcotics? ” He mentioned that he had a good job and a wife, so there was nothing to complain about. So I said, “if your life was so good why would you use illegal drugs?” Then I asked him, “When did you use the drugs?” He stated that it was only on the weekends. I asked him, “What kind of job did you do?” He said, ” I was a baker for large food chain.” I asked him if he liked the job. He responded that he hated the job with a passion. He stated that he worked 12 hours a day in a building where there was no light or any type of movement. The client stated that he didn’t want to be there and was feeling frustrated. He did not want to do this job or have this job be his future and didn’t know how to get out it. So, he stated that when the weekends arrived he would meet up with the boys and party hard. When he told me the story, I asked him to think about why the weekend partying with drugs became important to him. After a few moments, he looked at me and said that “my drug use on the weekends was the only time I could express myself and forget about the job I knew I had to go to Monday morning.” My response was, “Now you have your answer.” So, to put it simply, “the reason you used drugs was to meet your need for self-expression, choice, emotional safety and relaxation (tragically). He responded by saying, “that made so much sense.” He also stated that the information I presented to him was the truth and that he couldn’t deny it.” He told me that he appreciates the notion that he doesn’t have a disease or allergy; he just didn’t like his job. To date, the client has a job where he has movement and where he can use his mechanical abilities which cause him to feel contentment with his life. The client stated that drugs are not an issue at this time and if he does “feel” trapped in a given situation he will look for other alternatives that will not get him into trouble.

July 20, 2009

Today I had a 55 year old, black woman and grandmother of many come into my office. I am always curious as to why someone of that age would be in this predicament. She stated that she just finished her drug treatment program that was ordered by the court several months ago. However, she relapsed and, subsequently, picked up a new arrest and another case.

As usual I asked my client why did she believe she needed to use drugs. She stated “because I liked it.” By the way that response is in the top five responses given by the client. I then pursue with the next question. “Why did you like?’ I asked her to really think about the “why” of her drug use. After a few moments she told me it helped her to deal with her problems. “What problems?” She stated, “all kinds of problems in my life.” So I asked her to be more specific. She stated that her family nags her. I asked her what her family did that made her angry and caused her to relapse. She finally let it all hang out. She stated that she is the oldest of 8 children whom she had to raise when she was a child. She stated that all the responsibility fell on her to where she became the third parent. My client mentioned that even to this day her siblings are constantly nagging her, making demands, and not allowing her any peace. She stated that her, sickly, mother is probably the main culprit. She wants to know my client’s whereabouts at every moment. Then she talked about how there are constant rotation of grandchildren in and out of the apartment and that the phone never stops ringing. She stated that one day the phone started ringing at 7am in the morning until 10pm at night. (The calls where about wanting to come over and visit)

As she was telling me the story I was thinking about was she was “needing” at those moments and the needs that were not being met at that time. It occurred to me that since she was the oldest child she was “that” child that her siblings looked up to for the answer and that being the oldest never stopped. And since she assisted her mother with the kids at a young age, her mother continues to look at her not as an adult but as a her child helper. The needs that my client was unable to get were the following: choice, independence, self-empowerment and solitude. It appears she never had time for what she wanted to do because of the demands that were put upon her by her family members. Her frustration came because her siblings and other relatives were constantly making demands on her where she would become overwhelmed and resort to what she knew would give her some “peace” temporarily. She decided that cocaine would allow escaping her problems for awhile. She stated that she had used cocaine for many years just so she could put up with her family.

So I asked her did my explanation make since as to why she used cocaine. She stated that it made perfect since and that no one ever put it that way. I stated that your drug problem lies in the fact that your family does not allow you any solitude or peace so when their focus on you becomes too much for you to handle you escape by using cocaine. So, I asked her how can she get that need for solitude, choice, independence and peace (just to name a few) made? She stated she never thought about it. So, I explained to her that instead of using cocaine to get her needs met for peace what could she do instead. I mentioned that she needed to take control of her life and discover what she would like to do for herself. In other words, she needed to become “selfish.” She gave me a look of disbelief and tears began to run down her face. I asked her why she was tearing and she said, “you are the first person to understand my problem and give me an answer as to why I was using cocaine.” So, I gave her some suggestions about empowering herself so she can do the things she desired without her family interfering. She decided that she would participate in events that she always wanted but never thought she could and not feel guilty.

So, at the end of our conversation I asked her how she felt. She stated that she felt relieved, relaxed and happy. She thanked me again and stated she would let me know how her new outlook on life turn out on her next visit.

July 17, 2009

This client is a 44 year old, black, female who stated she has been using drugs since the age of 18. At the beginning of our conversation she told me that she wanted to change her ways b/c she was tired of going in and out of jail, prostituting, not having any money or her own place to live. She has been living with her grandmother over the years.

I suggested that we get to the core of your drug use so “she” could see how past events have affected her decision making process. She was reluctant at first to discuss her past b/c she stated she didn’t want review her past b/c it was too painful. I explained to her that sometimes we need to go through the dark to get to the light and that it may be emotionally painful, however, when you come out the other end a person who finally has the answer to her problem.

She began to explain her her she was raised by her grandmother at a young age b/c her mother was on drugs and her father was never in the picture. She explained the moment that changed her life forever was when she was 7 years old. What she remembers was that she said something to her mother’s friend. This person became upset at her for what she said and decided to walk up to her and proceeded to take her shoe and break her jaw. After the incident, the her mother never confronted her friend for physically hurting her daughter. It was this incident that her daughter wondered why her mother never protected or stood up for her. Needless to say, she was taken away from her mother, who proceeded to go in and out of jail over the years and continue excessive drug use.

During her adolescent years she lived with her grandmother. She told me that while attending school she remembers she was teased, bullied, and harassed by the other students. She told me they made fun of the complexion of her skin b/c her skin is dark. They called her ugly and other names she didn’t want to mention. She did graduate high school but she never did anything with her life. She bounced from job to job, man to man and place to place for the last 26 years. She never established a career and always believed she was not good enough to accomplish anything. Another belief she created was that no one ever fought for her, especially her mother. She believed she deserved to be alone. I mentioned to her that this is probably the cause of her constant drug use. She gave me a look of confusion. She stated that she did not understand. I asked her the question, “When you take the drug what do you feel and where do you?” After some thought, she stated that it gets me to forget about my problems and the emotional pain from my mother abandoning me when I was a little girl.

So I told her to choose the “needs” that were not met by her caretakers. The needs she chose that she did not get from her caretakers are the following: nurturance, comfort, bonding, connection, support, reassurance, being heard, appreciation, love, family, validation, emotional safety, contribution, safety, protection, security of home and family. I had her pick the feelings behind the needs that were not me t by the caretaker: sad, lonely, helpless, gloom, grief, scared, terrified, nervous, mad, angry bitter, confused frustrated, tired, fatigued, unc0mfortable, pained, hurt, embarrassed, ashamed…..As she viewed her response she began to cry uncontrollably b/c she finally saw what she did not get from her caretakers. I explained to her that this is why excessive drug use has become an important part of your life. I told her that she is not sick in the head or that she has a disease. I explained to her that she is emotionally wounded due to her caretaker’s inability to meet any of her social/emotional needs.

After our discussion, she stated that she felt relief for the first time in her life. It was as though a weight has been lifted that she had been carrying inside her for a long time. I explained to her that all I am trying to do is make since of her life and why she behaved the way she did for most of her life. Now the challenge is to create a “value-shift” in her life where she will see “possibilities” as opposed to “impossibilities.”

We still have work to do about how her “past” has affected her, however, there is now an awareness and understanding that she never had before. I believe her having understanding will help in the healing process so she can have the necessary tools to move forward with her life.
The we decided that since she doesn’t have to worry about the rent, food, etc due to her grandmother, she needs to enroll into a nearby community college and enjoy making mistakes so she can learn from them.

I will wait until her next appointment to see how this new insight has affected her outlook on her life.

July 16, 2009

Today I had a couple of clients that I went into depth with regarding their drug use. Here are the following stories.

The first client was a 34 year old, Hispanic, divorced mother of a 17, 18, and 19 year old daughters. When I initially asked her how she got into this predicament she stated that she was arrested for possession. So I asked her why she was using in the first place. She stated that when situations become too difficult for her to handle she would relapse. So, I decided to go back in time to see where she where this anxiety response originated. After several minutes of discussing her childhood experiences she stated that at the age of 7 , she being the oldest, she was responsible for cleaning the house, preparing the food so her mother could cook when she returned from work. After more discussion, she also stated that if the house wasn’t clean and the food was not prepared her mother would beat her with a electric cord or other objects. So, from the age of 7 to the age of 18, my client, was under constant pressure to perform the way her mother had trained her and if she didn’t she would suffer the consequences. My client stated she became frightened when 3 o’clock came around b/c she wanted to make sure everything was in order as her mother instructed. It is apparent that my client did not receive many social/emotional needs from her caretakers that a child needs to have a health view of her world and the world around her. I informed my client to pick out what needs she believe she didn’t get from her mother. Here were her choices: nurturance, physical affection, tenderness, comfort, bonding, respect, connection, support, trust, being heard, appreciation, love, affection, contribution, emotional safety, sharing, validation, family, self-expression, growth, goals, play, humor, stimulation, pleasure, safety, protection, and security of home and family. As she was making her choices she began to cry b/c she realized for the first time in her life what she didn’t get from the people she wanted if from the most. Due to her needs not being met attributed to how she viewed herself and those around her. She always believed she had to prove herself to others.

When discussing her father, she mentioned that he worked a lot and didn’t spend much time with the children. Plus, he was not aware of the beatings from the m0ther. Needless to say, she didn’t get many needs from her father due to his work schedule.

So I asked her how her past shows up in her present and future. She told me her story. She told me her first husband, after 2 years of marriage, began to verbally and physically abuse her. She stated that she put up with the for 10 years b/c her father told her to stay with her man, even during the difficult times. She finally realized that she had had enough and got out of the marriage.

Drug use became prevalent during the marriage and today. We discovered that her drug use allowed her to a certain emotional freedom and independence (b/c she never could make her own choices). We discovered that everything around her has to be spotless b/c if it isn’t she will believe herself to be worthless. This is due to her mother teaching her self-worth was tied into how clean the house was. So, she manifests that belief system into her present life. She stated to me that when situations become overwhelming or that she is unable to take care if she relapses. She believes she is a failure b/c she didn’t take care of the matter at hand. This goes back to how she was raised by her mother. So, it is safe to say that her drug use is attributed to whether she has control of her life and those individuals it. If she sees that she is losing control or situations are not going like she wants them to go she will relapse.

FYI: Today, she cleans houses for a living. I actually laughed when she told me. I told her, “Gee, I wonder why.” She stated that she has to keep moving b/c she been moving since she was 7 by constantly cleaning. We also discussed her not having a childhood. She stated she totally agreed. She doesn’t know what it is like to just have fun and be silly. She stated was always on guard with her mother. She did mention that she did guide her children into activities that they were interested and that she had a great time showing them b/c she participated in their activity b/c she never had any fun as a child.

At the end of our conversation I decided to give her a project. Since she needs to have everything neat and tidy at her home I told her to not make up the bed once a week and be comfortable with being uncomfortable about the messy bed. I wanted her to experience what life is like when there is a piece of dust on the floor, the dishes are in the sink or the bed isn’t made. I want her to come back next month and tell me how she did with the unmade bed. Basically, I want her to experience the needs she never had as a child. I also want to see how she handles overwhelming situations without using drugs. ….